Puke Fest

My exercise during the week consists of a set of 35lb dumbbells for curls, sit-ups and pushups about 2-3 times a week. Tennis 1 to 2 times a week plus, a bike every other weekend. I like to think I'm a little athletic.

HOWEVER, 5 days a week I sit in front of a computer for 9 hours a day.

So, people have been talking to me about my pudge around my middle section lately. (by lately I mean the past year or so). I think I'm fine. If I flex my abs and curl my stomach in such a way and in the correct lighting environment you can kina make out half a six pack... OMG! I GOT TUUUU do something about this!

So, my roommate has a pass to Bally gym. So I decided to join with him. I worked out a deal (where I am now someone else's brother and live at a different address, something about fooling the computer to get a cheaper rate) and got membership.

There I am still thinking I'm athletic, I get on the treadmill, Hrm... this is easy as I continue to push the buttons marked with a + and up arrows. So in now I'm running at 6.1 mph at a 5.5 incline. Peace of cake, this'll be my warm-up. So 15 minuets and about 1.5 miles later I push the cool off button and head toward the machines.

So I hit some machines, working my biceps, back muscles quads, pecks and finally abs. I can't leave without working the abs. So we get to the machine, I do 2 sets before I feel too queasy to continue.

"This is my last set" I tell him.

We go to the locker room where I wash off and cool down a little. I walk out and get in my car, barely able to move let alone operate a stick shift. We make it home and i realize there is an alkaline taste in my mouth.

I yell out, "I got 30 seconds before I puke, where should I go?"

I look around, there are no sewer drains close to the curb where I parked. I would never make it to a bathroom in the house. Would it be that bad on the lawn? Too late for any other ideas. I lean over and with one spastic abdominal thrust out comes A BLAST OF FLUID AND CHUNKS. It came out my mouth and through my nose with the force of a shotgun blast!

Queasy, disgusted and a little amazed at what just happened... I WENT FOR ROUND 2!!! Just as disgusting, just as powerful and just as much fluid.

Luckily, that was that, and just two short minute later, I was feeling fine.

What's the moral here? When feeling queasy and you get that alkaline taste in your mouth, you got 30 seconds to aim your mouth in a safe direction before it discharges. Or maybe, I'm not in as fit shape as I thought I was (nah).