Foaming like a Rabid Dog!

A few weeks ago I went to took a trip to Orlando Florida. My mom thought it would be good give me this roll of "Airborne Formula" tablets. (See image) They are supposed to protect you from all the germs that are floating in and around airplanes and such. I didn't take any on the way to Florida, I decided to take them on the way back. While waiting in the crowded terminal for the plane to arrive, I remember my mom telling me, "Put them in your water bottle and drink it down." I'm looking at the tablet and I'm like, no way I'm messing up my nice crystal-clear water.

So, I'm looking all over the tube for directions. There is none. So I open it up, pop two into my mouth. Instantly I notice a funny feeling in my mouth. Something bubbly. Something tingly. SOMEHTING NOT GOOD!!! OMG!!! THEY ARE FIZZING LIKE MAD!!!

I have never had a fizzing medication before. I mean we have all seen/heard of "plop-plop, fiz-fiz, oh what a relief it is" commercials. But I have never needed anything like that before. So now I had AN EMERGENCY in my MOUTH!!!

I have to think fast, while thinking I'm trying to gulp down the fiz as fast as it's making it in my moth. I'm failing, it's making more than I can handle. I'm trying not to make a scene, so I'm thinking, I'll just break them apart in my mouth so they dissolve faster. THERE IS ONE MAJOR PROBLEM WITH THAT!!! ... THEY DISOLVE/FOAM MUCH FASTER!!!

So some foam is leaking out the front of my mouth; I catch it ever so sly-like with my arm as I look for a napkin/tissue or ANYTHING in my bag. I'm in 'full panic/play it cool' mode. I don't want to draw a scene and have paramedics called and try to perform CPR on the foaming idiot so, I come up with another BRILLIANT PLAN! This one is bound to work!

The Plan: If I swallow some chunks of broken DEVIL tablets there won't be as much foam in my mouth. So I try it. WORST THING I COULD POSSIBLY DO!!! It turns out, they still foam down there in my stomach causing me to burp UNCONTROLLABLY!!! But not a normal soda burp but a GURGLY, thick-slimy BELCH!!! You can't help it! It's foaming in my tummy and I'm doing these nasty burps looking like a cat coughing up a hairball and FOAM COMING OUT MY MOUTH ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! I'm frantically trying to catch the foam that is EXPLODING out of my mouth onto a piece of itinerary while placing my headphones on looking like I'm spastically listening to music.

Luckily, 5 minuets later (felt like half an hour) The tablets finally dissolved all the way. It turns out I'm such a cool, smooth guy that nobody seemed to notice, or at least didn't confront me about my spastic, foaming, convolutions. Crisis, averted... Moral of this story, NEVER EVER EAT ANYHTING IN TABLET FORM. Or if you must, always put it in water first!

Hrm, maybe that's not the moral, but close enough.

Where's my wallet? [Part 2]

Last time we learned I was about to open my office door... eh, just read the previous post.

Confidently walk up stairs 5 minuets early, open the door to the office and find SOMONE ELSE CLEANING MY DESK!!!

WHO IS THIS GUY!? I don't know him! The warehouse is always getting new guys, but where is the REGULAR GUY!? So I give him the evil eye, and walk to my desk, turning on my computer while checking my desk not seeing my wallet on it anywhere!

Ever so cautiously I check the bulk of his sweatpants for any unusual budge as he moves to the last desk to clean. DAMN IT! I can't tell! I watch him leave and then I furiously search everything on my desk. Well it only took me 2 minuets to put all the papers back in their random perfect order this time... DAMN HIM! HE took it and got away. Just then a call comes in and stars my business day, so I'll have to kill him later.

I couldn't focus at all. All I could think of is, 'HOW DARE HE! DOES HE KNOW WHO I AM!? I COULD GET HIM FIRED SO FAST!!!' By the time lunch came around I had a whole plan worked up! It was BRILLIANT!

Gloves: "Hey, There was a wallet taken off of my desk and I saw on the security camera (there isn't any in my office, but he doesn't know that.) that you took it! Now then, the boss doesn't have to see this security tape if you just hand over my wallet. And you'll still have a job." Then I sucker punch has ass once he hands it to me

Guy: "OW!"

Gloves: "You know you deserved that." Then I walk away a bad ass that nobody messes with ever again.

It can't fail!!! I'm BRILLIANT!!!

So I take a trip into the warehouse, and I walk up to him.

Gloves: "Hey there, you know how you washed my desk this morning..."

Guy: "No"

Gloves: "What do you mean NO!!!?"

Gloves: "Ya damn right you did!"

Guy: "No, No Englace"

OH HEEEEEELL-NO!!! ... SHIT! The one thing that could stop me dead in my tracks... It was used perfectly, like Kryptonite on Superman my plan was shot and thrown out the damn window! Why do we got to hire these non-English speaking kleptomaniacs!!!

Just then my boss got me on my Nextel 2 way and paged me up stairs! GAWD DAMN IT! This ISN'T OVER!!!

So, the rest of the day I was thinking of all the ways I would mug this guy after work, but it was a long-long work day and I didn't get out until 7:30pm (11 hour work day - WOW!) So by the time I got out, he was gone. DAMN HIM!!! *shakes fist in the air*

So then I tell the boss, "Hey-G!, I think one of your employees gaffled mah wallet, I left I on the desk, last night. It ain't there this morning. So if you have an employee with a broken leg tomorrow, you'll know why."

Boss: "Shit, have the warehouse manager translate for you with that guy..."

Gloves: "Oh, he'll know what I'm talking about before I'm through with him, in any case I'm out."

So, I drove my depressed ass all the way back home. Then to make sure, I cleaned all the junk out of my car when I found my wallet sitting in the back seat of my car. I must have thrown it back there with everything else I moved off the front seat so that my X Girlfriend could sit there!!!

OMG I'm SO STUPID!, More importantly, I'm glad I didn't do something really stupid like snap each one of his alleged klepto-fingers. So, I called my boss and let him know how stupid I was. He was like, "PFT, dumbass." I deserved it.

So, first thing I do tomorrow is photocopy and "back-up" my wallet, it's not the $52 cash that was in there, but the Credit Card, Bank Card, Drivers' license and most importantly, my 2 full Sub Club cards!

Where's my wallet? [Part 1]

I met with my X girlfriend last night and when I went to go pay for some dinner we had at Chipotle's (first time I been, not too shabby, just pricey for a McDonalds owned joint.) when I realized, I FORGOT MY WALLET AT WORK! Most likely on my work desk! This isn't a bad thing... wicki-wicki-WAIT! Did I say having dinner with my X GIRLFRIEND?! ... Yea I did. Weird. Nuuuu We aren't getting back together. I'm totally over it, and still looking ladies.

Back to me forgetting my wallet on my office desk at work... So I just realized that I left it there because, I take it out of my pants pockets because it's uncomfortable to keep it in my pats for that long. Even though I keep it in my front pocket, I take it off and put it next to my keyboard.

Well, don't panic Gloves, you were just about the last person to leave work, it was just you and your Boss and some warehouse guys wrapping things up. OMG! PANIC!!! Not too log ago the boss had a laptop ripped off! NU WAY!!! Ok, ok, okokok!, I got to think this though. I'm in the upstairs offices and there are only 4 people that work up there including me. See fine. *calms down*

WHAT!? WHAT about the guy who cleans our desks EVERY morning and always plies my papers into one huge stack? (Takes forever to get it back to it's nice organized mess)

Wait, he wouldn't dare take it, I know him, he seems like a really nice guy. He's always saying, "Good morning Gloves" and I'm always saying stuff to him and then he tells me, he doesn't speak English. I'm always like, "Right, Good morning to you too."

Good news! Usually doesn't get to my desk before me on my early days. Wednesday, I get to work at 8:30 (yea, usually it's 9:00), usually he's just starting the desks and I would rescue my wallet in time.

I'm feeling damn confident that I'll be there in time to pick it up.

So, I finish paying with the wad of cash I happened to have in my pocket for the dinner and the next day I wake up early and make sure I'm there early.

Despite not having my drivers license I did an un-recommended amount of speeding to work. I pull into my parking space with a slight screech of the tires. Confidently walk up stairs 5 minuets early, open the door to the office and ...

[To be continued TOMORROW!!!]

I'm a Nerd

This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. I'm BLOGGING! Blogging = Nerd. Possibly even a GEEK!

Nerd: n. Slang: A person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is felt to be socially inept.

Geek: n. Slang: A person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is felt to be socially inept.

Yea, according to dictionary.com they both have the same meaning. I have thought about this quite a bit, I think there's a difference. A geek is someone who does dorky things, isn't up to par with all the latest fashion and social trends and has no idea how out of sync they are. A nerd is a geek but knows that they are are't hip to the latest social trends.

I like to think of myself as a nerd, who puts forth some effort to keep up with some of the latest social trends in music, language (thank you urbandictionary.com) and style. I still do nerdy things like, surf the net, play video games, watch anime and hang out with other nerds.

I think nerdy chicks are cute, some even hot! Just by putting on glasses (as long as they have some style) could increase their hotness factor by 10! I HATE geeky chicks! They are usually extra dense when it comes to love and flirting.

Let's review,

• Nerdy chicks = OH BABY!
  
• Geeky chicks = RUN! AND DON'T LOOK BACK!

All the chicks that score A's on tests, all the chicks with glasses, all the chicks listening to their iPods on the subway. That's off the hook adorable, cute and is the sexah!

---

Random picture:


Let's not go this far:


Basic Nerd Test:

I have nerdy parents.	T / F
I have nerdy friends.	T / F
I avoid the mall like the plague.	T / F
If in the mall I go straight for the book store.	T / F

KEY:
4 Trues = You are a HARD-CORE NERD!
3 Trues = You are a powerful Nerd Dude or Nerd Babe!
2 Trues = You are a Nerd in Transformation.
1 True = You are a Nerd Wanna-Be.
0 Trues = You are a Nerd-in-Denial!

Don't trust my test, use this Nerd Test

How to Meet the Chicks

I've been single for probably 4 or 5 months now. I haven't had more than 2 different dates in that time. Neither are really my type, but I can't expect the fist few to be my type, that's why I have to get a few dates, find one I like and then try to move forward from there.

So, first things first. I got to meet women. Yea, I have lady friends, while cute, they aren't really my type. I tried taking one on a date and got shot down hard-core. It's true, once you are in the 'friends zone' there's no getting any further, at least not without lots of planning and mental conditioning.

In any case, I GOT TO MEET WOMEN! CHICKS that I don't yet know! After much thinking, I have came up with a few ideas and started some action.

1. Rockstars. Chicks love ROCKSTARS! (From what I hear.) So, I have been playing the Bass guitar and guitar in a band. I sing about 4-5 songs at any given show. We play backyard parties and I do say there are a few songs that I "rock the house live" with. My theory is, sing songs that chicks love, and in turn they will love me. Simple enough, right?
Songs like:

• By my Girl by Jet
  
• Steal my Kisses by Ben Harper
  
• Stacye's Mom by Fountains of Wayne
  
• Fall back down by Rancid

All are great songs that I play the hell out of. I get rave reviews but I haven't gotten any panties thrown at the stage followed by some awesome fan girl action after the show.

2. Tennis. Hey! I know how to play tennis! =D There are few outfits hotter than the tennis-skirt outfit. SOOOOO, my friend (who kicks my ass in tennis all the time) suggests that we join a social adult tennis lessons. He clams that there was a hot Russian chick there last year, so naturally I'm on the phone halfway through the sign up process before he finishes that sentence.

It turns out that he can't go the first week, I'm not even sure if he signed up for the class! I'll bet he talked me into going and he had no intention of signing up. Normally that wouldn't bother me IF THERE WERE SOME HOT CHICKS IN THERE! But there were no hot chicks! Everyone there was 40+ years old! I didn't sing up for senior tennis social, I signed up for Advanced Adult Tennis. OMG! Does advanced me OLD?

3. Baseball. Little league to be more precise. I'm planning on becoming the assistant coach for the company sponsored little league team (9 to 11 year olds). I'm sure there are some young ladies that would find that attractive. The only thing is, will they show up for the games? More important, EVERY GAME has been rained out, so hopefully next weekend will be dry enough for me to show up.

4. Paintball. Ok, there are no chicks that play paintball. NONE! ... Ok, I lied. There are 1 or 2 females there. The only reason they're there is because their boyfriends dragged them there and they never enter the playing field. I make it a point to shoot those guys first.

I'm still open to new ideas. Someone told me that volunteering for community service is an excellent way to meet nice ladies. I'm all for that! What do I gotta do? Paint a low income house? Dish out soup? Scoop poop? As soon as I free up some time I'll look into the specifics and what type would be most likely to have chicks my age involved.

For now, I'm going to stay away from Internet dating. I don't want to resort to reading hundreds profiles and having computers tell me who they think would be good for me. I prefer to make first impressions face to face. After that we can email, call and such.


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Jack in the Box

Well, I came back from Jack in the Box all by myself and without so much as a phone number. I had a plan that never got far off the ground. I pull up to the speaker box at the drive-through:

Speaker box: "Welcome to Jack in the Box, bla bla bla..."

It was so difficult to tell what they were saying let alone if it was male or female.

Gloves: "I'm looking for something nutritious."

See, I think chicks like someone with a good sense of humor. I can't wait to hear their reaction.

Speaker box: ::silence::

Crap. I guess I got to just place the order.

Gloves: "Something nutritious like an Ultimate Cheeseburger with Bacon. Let's make that a Large fries and Dr. Pepper in the name of nutrition."

Speaker box: "A large #6 with a Dr. Pepper. That'll be $6.50"

I still can't tell if it's male or female. They either can't hear me or don't have a sense of humor. Did I hear them say, "$6.50"?

I pull up to the window with a $11.50 expecting a $5 in change. WOW!, it's a large burly man with the headset on ::shiver:: ok. He hands me $4 change. WHAT!? So, I had to tell him 3 times that I gave him $11.50 and he owes me a bill with Lincoln on it. He finally got that under control, then handed me my bag and said, "Have a good night." "Wait! Where's my drink?" Ugh. There has to be statistics as to how many fast food orders are actually executed accuratly. The numbers probably fall between 5% and 10% on a good day.

So, here I am eating my burger, my large fries and about A GALLON of soda! At least I'm not hungry any more.

Template Done! - (done enough)

Holey Crap! I spent all day working on this Blogger template! (and playing some PSP) Trying to sift through all the CSS and other Blogger code/crap. It's 9:30 in the PM and I haven't gotten anything done! I haven't meat any ladies because I'VE BEEN IN MY APRTMENT ALL DAY LONG!

I'm STARVING and need some food. So, here's hoping that I meet the girl of my dreams on my trip to the local fast food restaurant.

Gloves' History

I'm Gloves, Gloves Quinton. the king of Schmooze. My slogan, "You can't spell Gloves without Love."

This is my story in realtime. My history started with my high-school sweeaheart, dated from 18 years old until 23 years old. Then the most tragic turn of events occured and we are no longer together. That relationship is over with. Now, I have to figure out figure out how to find the right woman, date date her and get her to fall in love with me.

I haven't picked up any ladies since high-school, dating has matured quite a bit since high school, so I got a lot of catching up to do. Enjoy the stories!